Take Your Hat Off, Boy
by Gandalf -Dumbledore -Obi-Wan
Summary: With Lucius in Azkaban and Draco on the run from the law, Narcissa starts to crack. Dark, oneshot, anonymous reviews accepted. Rated for dark thoughts.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and I was horrified when JKR didn't file a lawsuit in _The Devil Wears Prada _when they bloody stole book seven for those bratty twins. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go see the movie (just in case, I don't own that either) which is actually pretty good. Although I have very low standards for movies pertaining to fashion, so I may just be in shock. Oh yeah, this was inspired by a song by Belly called _Feed the Tree. _It's a really cool song. Google it. But if I don't shut up then this disclaimer will be longer than the story, which I should be getting to now. So here it is:

**Take Your Hat Off, Boy**

I go to Diagon Alley to buy a new hat. I don't really think that's why I went… I wanted to get out of that house, away from the house, as far away as I could get. So I went to London, and then of course to Diagon Alley and then of course I wanted to get a hat. A hat. A black hat, with feathers, and a black veil. The black makes me look pale, a good thing, but I know I'm wearing it for them. I don't know why I'm buying a hat. I don't go anywhere any more.

I was at the top. I remember when we were all at the top. The three of us, before it all happened. Funny. I always thought of my sisters and I as the three, but now that's gone, and I'm part of another trio. The three of us… Bella, Andromeda, and I could have gone so far. But Andromeda was too silly, should have seen that from the start, she wouldn't have gotten anywhere even if she had wanted to.

But Bella and I. There was so much we could have done. We both made such good marriages, and even after what Andromeda did there was still hope for the two of us that were left. But then Bella went too far with it all, and the darkness dragged her down. She was so beautiful once, but Azkaban tore it away. It tore away the last vestiges of the Bella I knew, took away the little softness that was left for my, Cissy, her little sister. And I thought I was lucky. Andromeda was disowned, Bella and her husband locked up, but I had a son and a husband, a husband with a silver tongue that could talk us out of anything, we could get away with anything. I should have known. I was a Black, one of the Black Sisters, and I should have known we would all be dragged down. First Andromeda, then Bella, then me. Andromeda isn't here to confide in anymore. Bella doesn't understand, Azkaban took away any chance of that.

Azkaban.

Will he be different? Bella came out so different, and yet so the same. I always knew she had that in her, and Azkaban brought it all out, brought it up to the surface.

Will he be different? Will I be ably to recognize him the next time I work up enough courage to go? Will I be able to work up enough courage? I hate that place, I hate it, I hate hearing the silence of the hopelessness and the fear and the grief, and even with the Dementors gone, something is still in the air that sucks the hope out of you, and I know they'll never be able to get it out.

He will be different, I know it, and I don't know if I'll be able to make myself go again. I'm not afraid of the darkness and of the fear and of the pain, I'm afraid of what he might have become.

A hat. I came to buy a hat. A black hat. The last of the Black Sisters, coming to buy her black hat. Here it is, the store. I walk in, and I know that there's nothing on my face that will show what I'm thinking. I was trained well. Years and years and years of training. I haven't cried since I was eleven years old and I was away from home for a month straight and Bella wouldn't talk to me because I was a first year. And my face has nothing on it that might hint to anyone what's going on inside. I don't even remember what it is like to show emotion, I don't know if I could twist my face enough to cry or to smile. I haven't smiled since they left. I only smiled twice after he went to Azkaban, and I haven't smiled since my son disappeared. My son. My only son. I remember what Bella said, that she would gladly sacrifice her sons to the Dark Lord. But she doesn't know. She never had a child, she can't imagine. I tried so hard. I did everything, I broke all the rules, I risked my life, and my only comfort is that my son is being protected. He has the Vow to protect him.

And there it is. Another trio. Severus, Draco, and I. All bonded by the vow. I put everything in his hands. With my son's life goes mine, and I put them both in his hands.

There it is. A hat with a veil. A black hat, with three long feathers, and a small veil that will cover most of my face. Perfect.

I remember reading it in the _Prophet. _I remember seeing the headline splashed across the paper, DUMBLEDORE MURDERED. It reminded my of that headline all those years ago. YOU-KNOW-WHO DEFEATED. Both brought up so many emotions. Dumbledore. He was a headmaster. And I will admit it, he was wise. But he was a fool. A wise fool. He should have known, he should have seen what was going on right under his long, crooked nose. Fool. But under the malicious contempt, I also feel something else. I know he would have been the one to stop the Dark Lord. Not literally of course, I know that the Potter boy will be the one if anyone ever kills him. What a thought. No one can kill the Dark Lord, no one. But Dumbledore was the one who stood in his way, the one who was always so sickeningly kind and polite to everyone, Mudbloods and Purebloods alike. He was a Mudblood lover, and he deserved to die. But he protected Draco. I know, in my heart, he was a good man. But a fool. I am not sorry to see him go. Am I?

A hat. The hat. The hat with the feathers. I need to buy it.

YOU-KNOW-WHO DEFEATED. That headline woke so many fears. Lucius would be put in jail. They would find out, and they would lock him away. Bella, too, and Rodolphus and Rabastan and all the others. It would all crumble away, and I would be left standing along with only my baby son. I almost want to laugh at that. Now it is all gone, but I don't even have my son. I don't have my husband or my parents or my sisters or the man who I may have turned to in desperation if Severus had failed me. Severus is gone, too, now. And the Dark Lord is more powerful by the day, and I don't know if I want that to happen. What will he do to Draco? Will he try to kill him again, or is he done torturing my husband? Will Draco and Severus be killed at the hands of their master, even with Dumbledore dead? Or will he welcome them back, only to have them die later in some bloody battle with only a few meaningless Muggle lives cut short to show for it?

I'm buying the hat. I'm trying to buy it. No one is at the desk. I turn around, the shop is empty. Except for a boy, a blonde boy who must be around Draco's age…

It hits me so hard. He's gone, I'll never see my son again, and here is this boy that looks so much like him, some other woman's son, alive and healthy and unthreatened, and I know that I would trade all the Galleons in the world to have Draco back safe.

I shut my eyes for a moment. I open my eyes, The boy's back is to me. I clear my throat imperiously. He turns, and he looks nothing like my son. I don't know whether or not this is a good or bad thing. I decide I don't want my son staring out at my from some stranger's face.

I don't show anything on my face, nothing but slight impatience directed toward the shop owner.

"I would like to make a purchase. Where is the owner of this shop?"

My voice betrays nothing. Of course it betrays nothing. I am one of the Black Sisters, I won't expose my emotions to any stranger who comes across my path, no matter how much he reminds me of my son.

"What's it to you, lady?"

The impudence of young people these days. If he knew who I was, he wouldn't talk to me like that.

"Do you know who I _am_?" I won't let him treat me like dirt.

He shrugged. "Mrs. Malfoy. Why, do you expect me to kiss your feet or something?"

I am shocked, but I only let contempt show. "If you know what is good for you boy, you will show respect to your superiors."

"_Superior?_ Yeah, right. What, you think I'm gonna bow to you or something? With your husband in Azkaban? I'm _your_ superior, lady."

I stare at him. He couldn't have said that to me. Not to me. Not to Narcissa Malfoy. I remember when I was at the top. When women would kill to have me at their parties, when men were falling over themselves to kiss my hand, when the Minister of Magic would be _honored_ to have my husband and I for tea. And now some impudent little brat, a shop-owner's son, no doubt Mudblood, has the nerve to show me this kind of disrespect.

My voice is shaking. "Take your hat off, boy, when you're talking to me."

He is staring at me, shaking his head. "You're crazy, lady. I'm not wearing no hat."

He turns around and walks away. I stare after him. There is no hat. He walks through the door leading to the back room, muttering something about 'psycho Death Eater's psycho wife…' and I keep staring after him even when the door is shut.

I drop the hat and walk out. I get home somehow, I don't remember. I'm at home, and I can hear them, I can hear them as if they're still here with me, as if we're still happy.

I don't know what I'm thinking. Were we ever really happy? Were we ever living a good life? I realize now that the darkness been surrounding me all my life, taking me little by little, and now I am consumed by it.

I can hear their voices, all of them. Andromeda is afraid for her daughter, Bella is afraid of her master, afraid what will happen if she fails him, Draco is horribly afraid, afraid for his life and the lives of everyone he loves, I know that the traces of the Dementors are breathing fear into Lucius, and Severus is afraid for Draco and himself and I know that I am terribly, terribly afraid, because I can hear all of their voices screaming and pleading and crying and I know I am doing the same.

I remember that night, so long ago, when Andromeda told us all that she was leaving. We were so shocked. We knew she was different, but it wasn't so horrible, she had been in Ravenclaw, not in Gryffindor like Sirius, and now she was leaving. The three were whittled down to two.

I remember when Bella told us she was leaving. That was much less of a shock, we always knew she would go one day, but we didn't think it would be so soon. And the two became one.

I remember when I became part of another set of three. And when the three became two again when Lucius was taken away, and when it became one again when Draco was taken so suddenly.

I am alone again.

I didn't buy the hat. I don't have any heart left to mourn with. I feel terribly cold, cold and lost and afraid. I look at the little bottle on my vanity table, the little clear bottle I don't remember buying but I know it is filled with an escape, a way to escape forever. I wonder if I should take it.

A/N: Wow, that was dark…


End file.
